Kids need family

Kids need family

I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. I never watched it live but I have been watching it on Lifetime. It gives me some good background noise and I am enjoying it. (and I’m pretty sure I want to work in the medical field)
So it’s the episode where Meredith’s mom dies. Richard and Ellis are talking about what their life could have been. One phrase stuck in my mind. They were talking about having more kids and Richard says, “kids need family”.

That. Right. There.
That is why I will try to have a second child.

I didn’t want one.
Last time, I didn’t sleep the entire 9 months. I had to sleep on the couch because my hips hurt so badly. I was on bedrest for that last month. The c-section and all the pain and bodily issues that bring. It’s not fun for me.

In fact, when I had our “surprise pregnancy” this fall, I cried all night. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want Maggie Lynn to think I was replacing her or loving her any less. Or for her to think that she wasn’t enough. She is. I would be absolutely happy in my life with my family of 3.
Then my mom reminded me of my own brother. She reminded me how much he means to me and how I could not even imagine my life without him in it. She reminded me of the times he has been there for me – good times and bad (even just being the only 2 kids at a family reunion and having to hang by ourselves all day). She reminded me that one day, I will need him to lean on again. Especially if I lose my parents. How could I deprive my greatest love the same thing.

So.

We will be trying again. I am hoping after I lose more weight. I would love a healthier pregnancy this time.
We may get another “surprise pregnancy”. We may have to go through IUI again. We may have to go further with IVF or we may have to adopt. Regardless, I will try my hardest to give that gift to Maggie Lynn.

Don’t get me wrong. I love babies. I am just very happy with where I am. And I know this is not a decision everyone makes, but it is my decision. Jeff is thrilled, of course, and has always wanted a second one.

Anyways – just one of the things I think about as I walk.