Feel alive

Just some thoughts.

I had my alarm set for 5:01. (I never set it on the hour, always a random time around the hour). In my dream, I was hearing someone's alarm and looked everywhere for it. I was turning off people's phones and asking those around me if they could hear the beeping. At 5:15, I FINALLY wake up to my alarm beeping. That dream had me searching for the alarm for 14 minutes!

I actually enjoy being up early. Not so much the waking up part but the part where I have already accomplished something by 8:00 am. I had my meeting at church, I have started some laundry, I picked up the kitchen, and I logged in to work. (and I'm writing a short blog... a SHOG really).

Also at church, I noticed that something smelled a little off. Turns out, one of my little men peed on my jacket sleeve. That's fun to figure out in a meeting where you don't know anyone. Why do my dogs hate me?

I attempted a faster walk type jog thing for about 5 minutes out of the hour on the treadmill. I also did some squats. WHY do my inner thighs hurt so much today. I don't recall doing anything with them. But WOW they are angry.

I love to cook. I enjoy making dinner and trying new things. I hate getting my hands sticky and messy. I love having people over and cooking for them. (I love having people over and not cooking for them too). I like trying to cook new foods and having them turn out well or not so well.

Mason asked us on Sunday what makes us feel alive. That is one of mine.
Cooking
Being with friends (and this weekend was a great weekend of friends and family!)
Dr.Pepper (sad)
Iced Chai Lattes
Apparently being up early (after the wake up part)
Looking forward to a new year and the awesome changes and greatness that is coming

What makes you feel alive?

Another reason I love cooking. This guy. Pretty sexy huh? A man doing dishes! I love it.

I love carbs

I do. I love carbs so much. If someone asks me where I want to eat, I always think in my head where I can get mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes. What's up with that. Why are they so good? Why can't I eat them at every meal?

Why is it so cold right now? Doesn't the weather know I gave up Dr. Pepper this week and am trying to get back into walking. How can I do that when my lips want to freeze off?!? I quit drinking Dr. Pepper again on Monday. It has been tough. This morning I woke up with a KILLER headache. This afternoon I popped some Advil and went for a walk. Take that, Dr.Pepper! (gosh I still love you though)

I don't know how it works for other people or why it is so darned hard for me. But these... these are my 20 pound shoes. If you see me wearing them, give me a high five! That means I am down 20 pounds :)

2015 has been good so far. I know we are only 9 days in but I feel good. Even with this terrible cough and congestion, I feel good.
I am excited about all the things I have coming up. I am loving the cold (minus when I am trying to walk in it). I love being in a HOUSE during the cold rather than the Cabana and portable heaters! I love all of the friends I have seen so far and plan to see soon. I'm just excited and looking forward to the rest of January.

Day 1

Here it is. The start of 2015. It's a blank slate. Brush off 2014 and let's look ahead.

I probably should have cut back on the things I am doing, but I didn't. In fact, I may have added. :)

I just started reading The Daniel Plan, and I intend to follow the thoughts in there to lead me toward a healthier life.

I also signed up for a 2015 miles in 2015 (it's a team of 3 so we split that!) which equals walking/running about 2 miles a day. I can only walk right now but intend to build up to running.

Jeff and I ended our year with a chilly 5K yesterday - the New Years Double. We were supposed to do today too but that didn't work out. Side note - I love that he doesn't care about the 5ks or running or anything but he will do them with me to support me. He's pretty great sometimes.
Regardless, I forget how good I feel after I get out there and exercise and walk. I felt great yesterday and want more of that. I have my alarm set for 5:00 am (eek) for tomorrow. Fingers crossed it wakes me up!

I also signed up for a Diet Bet that requires me to lose 4% in a month to win. I feel like I am probably the most competitive person I know so these challenges are all perfect. I am so competitive, I have challenges with others without them even knowing. I'm pretty sure that boarders on pride but it helps me get it done when I need to.

The hardest part of this new year is to kick that darn Dr. Pepper habit again. (and find time for everything!) I love it. All of those people who say they quit and then tried it again and they didn't like it are crazy talkers! I love it every time. And each time I drink it, it draws me in. I am absolutely addicted to it. So I have to quit. Cold Turkey.

Which brings me to my random thought. I wish I liked coffee. I wonder how long it would take me to force myself to like it. I want to like it so very much! Maybe I will start with super sweet coffee and work my way down? Or maybe I will never like it (boo).

2015. Bring It!

I logged in and noticed that I have not written anything since I was 22 weeks pregnant. She is now 2 years old. My miracle baby. My red-headed spitfire. My monkey. As any mom knows, words can't express what she means to me. We tried so hard and waited so long for her. But I digress from what I was intending to jot down.

I look forward to 2015. It is a fresh start for me. It has been a trying year. Nothing too terrible, just growing pains I think.

2014 Highlights.
I signed up for the Susan G Komen 3 Day in February. I hit the ground running with fundraising and met my goal by summer. Then I helped the rest of the team meet their goal (I needed someone to walk with me!). I had a blast and grew closer to a couple girls who now hold a special place in my heart. They were there for me and I will get to that.

As an adult, I still struggle with feeling left out of cliques. So I decided to quit trying to join those cliques. I had my feelings hurt repeatedly (and to be honest, I still get them hurt) over the past year. This fall I quit caring as much and actually focused on the amazing friends and folks that I surround myself with. Jeff and I started having friends over for dinner and we got to know some awesome people better. I am still getting to know them and count myself very lucky to have crossed paths with them. I also know it is not luck, God put those people in my world. He knew I needed people with my values and gave me some!

We FINALLY moved out of the cabana into our own house on Mother's Day weekend!! We planned that terribly since nobody could help us but I could NOT wait any longer. We are still not done getting settled and have zero plants or bushes but I LOVE MY HOUSE. I love living here and knowing that I will die here. (well, maybe not inside the house but it's mine forever). We survived living in the tiny one room cabana!

Maggie Lynn turned 2. It's amazing watching her grow and learn more every day. Sometimes she shocks me with what she understands and can do.

We got pregnant. Not many people know that. It happened all on it's own which was a huge shock since we were told it could not happen. The timing was terrible - we found out the week before the 3 Day event. That meant I still did the event but I took it easy on myself. I only ended up walking 13ish miles a day. On Day 3, I started bleeding and spent that day in the hospital, missing the Closing Ceremony. By Tuesday of the following week, I had a miscarriage. It was a very tough week but I am also at peace and know that it will happen if it is meant to and definitely in God's timing. He definitely taught me that through all of this. I debated even mentioning it but if it helps someone else who is struggling, I want to put it out there. I think our entire infertility struggle needs to be out there to help others who are also struggling.

Jeff and I both turned 37. How in the world are we both that old? I swear I am still 25 until I do the math.

I look forward to 2015. There are things I want to do and aspects of my life I want to strengthen and grow. I am unbelievably lucky to have some folks willing to walk through all of that with me as well! I don't usually do resolutions but I did write some down for myself this year. I want to remember them as much as possible.

My 2015 Resolutions

Be Awesome
Do Good
Daily Devotional
Be More Present
Focus on Friendships
Run 3 5Ks
Read 3 non-fiction books (starting with Daniel Plan)
Finish Dissertation
Comment more, like less
Be kick butt life group co-coordinator

Well, I’ve made it to 22 weeks. That’s pretty exciting! At the beginning, I thought I would never get here. It’s hard to believe I still have 18 more weeks to go (hopefully). It’s been interesting so far. My 18 week sonogram didn’t show us the sex or the spine. It did show us that my cervix was jutted up right next to the placenta. That’s not something they want. We were told that it could still move, which is what we want. Today, it moved a little. Instead of mild placenta previa I now have a low lying placenta. It doesn’t sound as bad and I get to go back in a month to check it again. The good part about all this is that I keep getting sonograms since they are checking for all of that. Typically the last one is the 20 week. The sonographer was able to tell/show mom what the baby is. We are having our gender reveal party (thanks to my awesome sister in law & brother) tomorrow night so we will all find out what it is then. I cannot wait to find out if it will be a boy or a girl. We have the names picked out (and will reveal those tomorrow night as well) and will find out coconut’s real name. I also get to start shopping!! Since I’m off work this week, mom and I are going to register. Yay!! Here are some pics of the little one. Each time we go in, its hands are in its face/mouth. This time its legs were up by the head as well. (Just a secret – When I went in last time on Monday & on Thursday for sonos, the legs were in the same position. My thoughts were “is it paralyzed”?!? Yep – that’s how my crazy paranoid mind works!)

The little foot up by the head.

The side view

The face looking right at us as soon as we started. He/she was saying hi :) I think it's a little scary since it still looks like a skeleton :)

15 wks

Well, the news is out. Our first IUI worked! I had to give myself shots in the stomach for 5 days and a trigger shot on the last day. Then we had to go in for checkups every few days for an egg count/size. The procedure happened on a Saturday. Then we had to wait two whole weeks until I could find out if it worked or not. I actually tested the day before I went in for my blood work and it was positive! I took 2 more tests to make sure. Of course, the blood work was positive as well :) I am now in my 15th week. I still nervous and worried about everything. I am also still nauseas if I eat too much or if I eat the wrong things (too many sweet, fried, or fatty foods). The nice thing about that is I actually lost about 8 lbs the first trimester instead of gained any. I can also fall asleep just sitting here still. Once I get in bed though – that’s a whole other story. It takes me forever to fall asleep at night and I typically wake up around 5:00 am even though I don’t have to wake up until 7:45! Maybe that’s why I still need nap time! :) We have the nursery room cleared out and are now just waiting to see what color we will paint it. I get so excited planning for the future but then have to check myself. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself. It’s tough, though. We have been wanting this for almost 3 years! We tried for so long. It’s still hard to believe it has actually happened!! I’m excited about the 2nd trimester. Everyone tells me I will start feeling better and will have tons more energy! I do have a little more energy (I’m not going to bed at 7 anymore) but it’s not like I was hoping. I keep having the growth pains and a pain in my hip. I have random pains throughout my stomach that worry me for a while and then they go away :) (I had the growth pain at the beginning and with Google, convinced myself it was an ectopic pregnancy so I went in for a quick ultrasound). Having a checkup without ultrasounds once a month just isn’t enough! We should have ultrasounds each time. Jeff and I are working on picking out names. We have about 15 names for both. Now it’s time to narrow it down. I’d love to reveal that at the same time as when we reveal the gender. I can’t wait to find out! Only a few short weeks :) (Short, haha. These weeks DRAG by!)

No Tresspassing

I don't want to be a part of the club I'm in. I don't want to sit in the waiting room with other hopeful mommy-to-bes. I don't want to go to the clinic down the hall with Jeff and the other husbands. I don't want to sit through a two week wait to hear anything. I don't want to be disappointed over and over again.
I don't want my hormones to be out of control. I'm tired of everything.