Winner Winner

I love Diet Bet. I have entered several this year (2015) and have won all of them so far. Those that know me, know I am very competitive. So these challenges are perfect for me. I am competing against myself each time to reach a goal weight set for me by the system. (4%). If you meet your goal, you get your money back plus a little of the split pot from those who didn’t meet goal. That’s another great part – there is money on the line. That makes it even more serious.
It makes me want to stay on track. Where otherwise I would do whatever and tell myself there is always tomorrow. “I can eat that roll, I will do better tomorrow”. “One can of Dr. Pepper won’t hurt me”. “An entire carton of ice cream is cool if I only eat that for dinner”. Now I don’t do that (as much). I am so thankful that it exists – it has made this whole process so much easier!

The 2015 in 2015 is helping too! I’ve almost walked as much in these 2 months than I have in the last 3 years. And I feel amazing.

On a side note – I am 5 lbs away from getting my new shoes. What should I reward myself with next – after the next 20 or 25?

Kids need family

Kids need family

I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. I never watched it live but I have been watching it on Lifetime. It gives me some good background noise and I am enjoying it. (and I’m pretty sure I want to work in the medical field)
So it’s the episode where Meredith’s mom dies. Richard and Ellis are talking about what their life could have been. One phrase stuck in my mind. They were talking about having more kids and Richard says, “kids need family”.

That. Right. There.
That is why I will try to have a second child.

I didn’t want one.
Last time, I didn’t sleep the entire 9 months. I had to sleep on the couch because my hips hurt so badly. I was on bedrest for that last month. The c-section and all the pain and bodily issues that bring. It’s not fun for me.

In fact, when I had our “surprise pregnancy” this fall, I cried all night. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want Maggie Lynn to think I was replacing her or loving her any less. Or for her to think that she wasn’t enough. She is. I would be absolutely happy in my life with my family of 3.
Then my mom reminded me of my own brother. She reminded me how much he means to me and how I could not even imagine my life without him in it. She reminded me of the times he has been there for me – good times and bad (even just being the only 2 kids at a family reunion and having to hang by ourselves all day). She reminded me that one day, I will need him to lean on again. Especially if I lose my parents. How could I deprive my greatest love the same thing.

So.

We will be trying again. I am hoping after I lose more weight. I would love a healthier pregnancy this time.
We may get another “surprise pregnancy”. We may have to go through IUI again. We may have to go further with IVF or we may have to adopt. Regardless, I will try my hardest to give that gift to Maggie Lynn.

Don’t get me wrong. I love babies. I am just very happy with where I am. And I know this is not a decision everyone makes, but it is my decision. Jeff is thrilled, of course, and has always wanted a second one.

Anyways – just one of the things I think about as I walk.

For a 4 day week, it has been a ROUGH. WEEK. I can only assume it’s because grades are being turned in and our students started their second semester. I feel like I can’t breathe when things get this crazy. We can’t finish one assignment before we get another one. Then I have to prioritize and decide which is more important and which I should focus on first. I can’t focus on them all at once or I would screw everything up, big time!

I’ve been waking up at 5 am-ish to walk (outdoors and indoors this week). Even with that, the last half of the week, I hit the snooze button no less than 3 times and couldn’t even get myself ready and moving in under 30 minutes. To just walk in the dark where nobody else can see me. It’s been tough and I am exhausted.
I fight with myself each morning and think –
Bad Self : one day off won’t kill me.
Good Self : I am already up and probably won’t go back to sleep.
Bad Self : But I might have the best sleep ever in the next hour
Good Self : I have to – that diet bet is calling my name and I need to win
So I get up. Slowly.

Don't be jealous of my view

The nice thing was, Regulate came on my playlist. It took me back to the summer before my senior year. Windows down, driving around with my manufacturer radio bass turned up, on my way to work. I was a life guard that summer and thought I was hot stuff. Especially with the windows down. (My poor Ford Tempo).

Now to look forward to the weekend! I have walking to do, crafts to buy for and not actually make, and people to see. Plus, a to-do list to check off!

Feel alive

Just some thoughts.

I had my alarm set for 5:01. (I never set it on the hour, always a random time around the hour). In my dream, I was hearing someone's alarm and looked everywhere for it. I was turning off people's phones and asking those around me if they could hear the beeping. At 5:15, I FINALLY wake up to my alarm beeping. That dream had me searching for the alarm for 14 minutes!

I actually enjoy being up early. Not so much the waking up part but the part where I have already accomplished something by 8:00 am. I had my meeting at church, I have started some laundry, I picked up the kitchen, and I logged in to work. (and I'm writing a short blog... a SHOG really).

Also at church, I noticed that something smelled a little off. Turns out, one of my little men peed on my jacket sleeve. That's fun to figure out in a meeting where you don't know anyone. Why do my dogs hate me?

I attempted a faster walk type jog thing for about 5 minutes out of the hour on the treadmill. I also did some squats. WHY do my inner thighs hurt so much today. I don't recall doing anything with them. But WOW they are angry.

I love to cook. I enjoy making dinner and trying new things. I hate getting my hands sticky and messy. I love having people over and cooking for them. (I love having people over and not cooking for them too). I like trying to cook new foods and having them turn out well or not so well.

Mason asked us on Sunday what makes us feel alive. That is one of mine.
Cooking
Being with friends (and this weekend was a great weekend of friends and family!)
Dr.Pepper (sad)
Iced Chai Lattes
Apparently being up early (after the wake up part)
Looking forward to a new year and the awesome changes and greatness that is coming

What makes you feel alive?

Another reason I love cooking. This guy. Pretty sexy huh? A man doing dishes! I love it.

I love carbs

I do. I love carbs so much. If someone asks me where I want to eat, I always think in my head where I can get mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes. What's up with that. Why are they so good? Why can't I eat them at every meal?

Why is it so cold right now? Doesn't the weather know I gave up Dr. Pepper this week and am trying to get back into walking. How can I do that when my lips want to freeze off?!? I quit drinking Dr. Pepper again on Monday. It has been tough. This morning I woke up with a KILLER headache. This afternoon I popped some Advil and went for a walk. Take that, Dr.Pepper! (gosh I still love you though)

I don't know how it works for other people or why it is so darned hard for me. But these... these are my 20 pound shoes. If you see me wearing them, give me a high five! That means I am down 20 pounds :)

2015 has been good so far. I know we are only 9 days in but I feel good. Even with this terrible cough and congestion, I feel good.
I am excited about all the things I have coming up. I am loving the cold (minus when I am trying to walk in it). I love being in a HOUSE during the cold rather than the Cabana and portable heaters! I love all of the friends I have seen so far and plan to see soon. I'm just excited and looking forward to the rest of January.

Day 1

Here it is. The start of 2015. It's a blank slate. Brush off 2014 and let's look ahead.

I probably should have cut back on the things I am doing, but I didn't. In fact, I may have added. :)

I just started reading The Daniel Plan, and I intend to follow the thoughts in there to lead me toward a healthier life.

I also signed up for a 2015 miles in 2015 (it's a team of 3 so we split that!) which equals walking/running about 2 miles a day. I can only walk right now but intend to build up to running.

Jeff and I ended our year with a chilly 5K yesterday - the New Years Double. We were supposed to do today too but that didn't work out. Side note - I love that he doesn't care about the 5ks or running or anything but he will do them with me to support me. He's pretty great sometimes.
Regardless, I forget how good I feel after I get out there and exercise and walk. I felt great yesterday and want more of that. I have my alarm set for 5:00 am (eek) for tomorrow. Fingers crossed it wakes me up!

I also signed up for a Diet Bet that requires me to lose 4% in a month to win. I feel like I am probably the most competitive person I know so these challenges are all perfect. I am so competitive, I have challenges with others without them even knowing. I'm pretty sure that boarders on pride but it helps me get it done when I need to.

The hardest part of this new year is to kick that darn Dr. Pepper habit again. (and find time for everything!) I love it. All of those people who say they quit and then tried it again and they didn't like it are crazy talkers! I love it every time. And each time I drink it, it draws me in. I am absolutely addicted to it. So I have to quit. Cold Turkey.

Which brings me to my random thought. I wish I liked coffee. I wonder how long it would take me to force myself to like it. I want to like it so very much! Maybe I will start with super sweet coffee and work my way down? Or maybe I will never like it (boo).

2015. Bring It!

I logged in and noticed that I have not written anything since I was 22 weeks pregnant. She is now 2 years old. My miracle baby. My red-headed spitfire. My monkey. As any mom knows, words can't express what she means to me. We tried so hard and waited so long for her. But I digress from what I was intending to jot down.

I look forward to 2015. It is a fresh start for me. It has been a trying year. Nothing too terrible, just growing pains I think.

2014 Highlights.
I signed up for the Susan G Komen 3 Day in February. I hit the ground running with fundraising and met my goal by summer. Then I helped the rest of the team meet their goal (I needed someone to walk with me!). I had a blast and grew closer to a couple girls who now hold a special place in my heart. They were there for me and I will get to that.

As an adult, I still struggle with feeling left out of cliques. So I decided to quit trying to join those cliques. I had my feelings hurt repeatedly (and to be honest, I still get them hurt) over the past year. This fall I quit caring as much and actually focused on the amazing friends and folks that I surround myself with. Jeff and I started having friends over for dinner and we got to know some awesome people better. I am still getting to know them and count myself very lucky to have crossed paths with them. I also know it is not luck, God put those people in my world. He knew I needed people with my values and gave me some!

We FINALLY moved out of the cabana into our own house on Mother's Day weekend!! We planned that terribly since nobody could help us but I could NOT wait any longer. We are still not done getting settled and have zero plants or bushes but I LOVE MY HOUSE. I love living here and knowing that I will die here. (well, maybe not inside the house but it's mine forever). We survived living in the tiny one room cabana!

Maggie Lynn turned 2. It's amazing watching her grow and learn more every day. Sometimes she shocks me with what she understands and can do.

We got pregnant. Not many people know that. It happened all on it's own which was a huge shock since we were told it could not happen. The timing was terrible - we found out the week before the 3 Day event. That meant I still did the event but I took it easy on myself. I only ended up walking 13ish miles a day. On Day 3, I started bleeding and spent that day in the hospital, missing the Closing Ceremony. By Tuesday of the following week, I had a miscarriage. It was a very tough week but I am also at peace and know that it will happen if it is meant to and definitely in God's timing. He definitely taught me that through all of this. I debated even mentioning it but if it helps someone else who is struggling, I want to put it out there. I think our entire infertility struggle needs to be out there to help others who are also struggling.

Jeff and I both turned 37. How in the world are we both that old? I swear I am still 25 until I do the math.

I look forward to 2015. There are things I want to do and aspects of my life I want to strengthen and grow. I am unbelievably lucky to have some folks willing to walk through all of that with me as well! I don't usually do resolutions but I did write some down for myself this year. I want to remember them as much as possible.

My 2015 Resolutions

Be Awesome
Do Good
Daily Devotional
Be More Present
Focus on Friendships
Run 3 5Ks
Read 3 non-fiction books (starting with Daniel Plan)
Finish Dissertation
Comment more, like less
Be kick butt life group co-coordinator