300

Boom.

That just happened.

I've had my Nike app for 3 years and have walked a total of 461.1 miles. I've walked 305.2 of those this year. Which means, 155.9 of those are from the last 2 years. At the end of this week, I will have doubled my miles from the last 2 years. That's crazy. Crazy awesome.

Some days it is SO HARD to wake up or get my exercising in. I just want to sleep. Or lay in bed. I for sure don't want to get dressed and go all the way upstairs to workout and sweat. But then I do it. And I like it. I remind myself that I would hate myself later if I missed a day. So far so good.

This week is my spring break. I am actually loving it because I enjoyed last week with Maggie Lynn on spring break and now I get to enjoy mine with her in MDO. With that said ... off to nap.

Boom

Boom!

Drops mic and walks away.

(20 lb shoes)

Golden Shoes

You know you watch a lot of Elmo when your post refers to it. Haha.

So in one episode, Elmo is competing in a track & field event in order to win the coveted “golden shoes”. And each time they talk about it, he sings it. “gold-en shoooooes”. So yes, this runs through my head each time.

At 20 lbs lost, I get my first treat. A fun pair of tennis shoes. This week has kept that goal out of reach still. It should have been THE WEEK that I was getting my shoes. Instead, it’s the week that I gained and lost the same pound ALL. WEEK. LONG. This cold had me sidetracked like crazy. I still walked each day but only like 2 miles. And then I wanted to eat everything in sight! So that didn’t help.

On a side note – my mileage for February is at 99.4. So I’m going to complete that goal tomorrow (with 7 days to spare!!)

So fingers crossed, next week will be my week to obtain my “gold-en shoooooes”!!

Water for Egypt

Water for Egypt

My life group has decided on an international mission. We are raising money to get a filtration system to a church in Egypt. We have several Joe Willy’s events coming up and I hope a few more fun activities that people can come to and help raise the funds.

The big thing – Jeff is going to Egypt. He will be going to help install one of those systems. He leaves in July for like 10 days. Um. What?!? What am I supposed to do with myself for 10 days. I love supporting him and I know this is something he has wanted to do for a while. But I am freaking out.
We have to turn in our down payment soon and there are no refunds. And the down payment isn’t cheap. Then we have to raise the money for the rest of the trip. (expect begging soon). 10 days in the summer. There is no MDO. I still have to work. I might be calling everyone I know to help me. Maggie and I haven’t been by ourselves for this long before. Any advice?

This also means he is gone for my 20 year reunion. Now, you who know me, you know I am a very shy person. The thought of standing by myself and making small talk terrifies me. I also have a FOMO (fear of missing out). So I am struggling with the decision to go or not. Most of my “now” friends didn’t go to high school with me. It would be nice to see everyone. I’m not sure it’s $123 nice. I would love a nice dinner or family picnic. Maybe we could add that? Do I have time to take that on?

And now the begging commences. I set up a go fund me account. We would love donations to help fund the other half of the mission trip. And any extra funds will be used to fund the water filtration system.

http://www.gofundme.com/m8p8ag

Winner Winner

I love Diet Bet. I have entered several this year (2015) and have won all of them so far. Those that know me, know I am very competitive. So these challenges are perfect for me. I am competing against myself each time to reach a goal weight set for me by the system. (4%). If you meet your goal, you get your money back plus a little of the split pot from those who didn’t meet goal. That’s another great part – there is money on the line. That makes it even more serious.
It makes me want to stay on track. Where otherwise I would do whatever and tell myself there is always tomorrow. “I can eat that roll, I will do better tomorrow”. “One can of Dr. Pepper won’t hurt me”. “An entire carton of ice cream is cool if I only eat that for dinner”. Now I don’t do that (as much). I am so thankful that it exists – it has made this whole process so much easier!

The 2015 in 2015 is helping too! I’ve almost walked as much in these 2 months than I have in the last 3 years. And I feel amazing.

On a side note – I am 5 lbs away from getting my new shoes. What should I reward myself with next – after the next 20 or 25?

Kids need family

Kids need family

I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. I never watched it live but I have been watching it on Lifetime. It gives me some good background noise and I am enjoying it. (and I’m pretty sure I want to work in the medical field)
So it’s the episode where Meredith’s mom dies. Richard and Ellis are talking about what their life could have been. One phrase stuck in my mind. They were talking about having more kids and Richard says, “kids need family”.

That. Right. There.
That is why I will try to have a second child.

I didn’t want one.
Last time, I didn’t sleep the entire 9 months. I had to sleep on the couch because my hips hurt so badly. I was on bedrest for that last month. The c-section and all the pain and bodily issues that bring. It’s not fun for me.

In fact, when I had our “surprise pregnancy” this fall, I cried all night. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want Maggie Lynn to think I was replacing her or loving her any less. Or for her to think that she wasn’t enough. She is. I would be absolutely happy in my life with my family of 3.
Then my mom reminded me of my own brother. She reminded me how much he means to me and how I could not even imagine my life without him in it. She reminded me of the times he has been there for me – good times and bad (even just being the only 2 kids at a family reunion and having to hang by ourselves all day). She reminded me that one day, I will need him to lean on again. Especially if I lose my parents. How could I deprive my greatest love the same thing.

So.

We will be trying again. I am hoping after I lose more weight. I would love a healthier pregnancy this time.
We may get another “surprise pregnancy”. We may have to go through IUI again. We may have to go further with IVF or we may have to adopt. Regardless, I will try my hardest to give that gift to Maggie Lynn.

Don’t get me wrong. I love babies. I am just very happy with where I am. And I know this is not a decision everyone makes, but it is my decision. Jeff is thrilled, of course, and has always wanted a second one.

Anyways – just one of the things I think about as I walk.

For a 4 day week, it has been a ROUGH. WEEK. I can only assume it’s because grades are being turned in and our students started their second semester. I feel like I can’t breathe when things get this crazy. We can’t finish one assignment before we get another one. Then I have to prioritize and decide which is more important and which I should focus on first. I can’t focus on them all at once or I would screw everything up, big time!

I’ve been waking up at 5 am-ish to walk (outdoors and indoors this week). Even with that, the last half of the week, I hit the snooze button no less than 3 times and couldn’t even get myself ready and moving in under 30 minutes. To just walk in the dark where nobody else can see me. It’s been tough and I am exhausted.
I fight with myself each morning and think –
Bad Self : one day off won’t kill me.
Good Self : I am already up and probably won’t go back to sleep.
Bad Self : But I might have the best sleep ever in the next hour
Good Self : I have to – that diet bet is calling my name and I need to win
So I get up. Slowly.

Don't be jealous of my view

The nice thing was, Regulate came on my playlist. It took me back to the summer before my senior year. Windows down, driving around with my manufacturer radio bass turned up, on my way to work. I was a life guard that summer and thought I was hot stuff. Especially with the windows down. (My poor Ford Tempo).

Now to look forward to the weekend! I have walking to do, crafts to buy for and not actually make, and people to see. Plus, a to-do list to check off!

Feel alive

Just some thoughts.

I had my alarm set for 5:01. (I never set it on the hour, always a random time around the hour). In my dream, I was hearing someone's alarm and looked everywhere for it. I was turning off people's phones and asking those around me if they could hear the beeping. At 5:15, I FINALLY wake up to my alarm beeping. That dream had me searching for the alarm for 14 minutes!

I actually enjoy being up early. Not so much the waking up part but the part where I have already accomplished something by 8:00 am. I had my meeting at church, I have started some laundry, I picked up the kitchen, and I logged in to work. (and I'm writing a short blog... a SHOG really).

Also at church, I noticed that something smelled a little off. Turns out, one of my little men peed on my jacket sleeve. That's fun to figure out in a meeting where you don't know anyone. Why do my dogs hate me?

I attempted a faster walk type jog thing for about 5 minutes out of the hour on the treadmill. I also did some squats. WHY do my inner thighs hurt so much today. I don't recall doing anything with them. But WOW they are angry.

I love to cook. I enjoy making dinner and trying new things. I hate getting my hands sticky and messy. I love having people over and cooking for them. (I love having people over and not cooking for them too). I like trying to cook new foods and having them turn out well or not so well.

Mason asked us on Sunday what makes us feel alive. That is one of mine.
Cooking
Being with friends (and this weekend was a great weekend of friends and family!)
Dr.Pepper (sad)
Iced Chai Lattes
Apparently being up early (after the wake up part)
Looking forward to a new year and the awesome changes and greatness that is coming

What makes you feel alive?

Another reason I love cooking. This guy. Pretty sexy huh? A man doing dishes! I love it.

I love carbs

I do. I love carbs so much. If someone asks me where I want to eat, I always think in my head where I can get mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes. What's up with that. Why are they so good? Why can't I eat them at every meal?

Why is it so cold right now? Doesn't the weather know I gave up Dr. Pepper this week and am trying to get back into walking. How can I do that when my lips want to freeze off?!? I quit drinking Dr. Pepper again on Monday. It has been tough. This morning I woke up with a KILLER headache. This afternoon I popped some Advil and went for a walk. Take that, Dr.Pepper! (gosh I still love you though)

I don't know how it works for other people or why it is so darned hard for me. But these... these are my 20 pound shoes. If you see me wearing them, give me a high five! That means I am down 20 pounds :)

2015 has been good so far. I know we are only 9 days in but I feel good. Even with this terrible cough and congestion, I feel good.
I am excited about all the things I have coming up. I am loving the cold (minus when I am trying to walk in it). I love being in a HOUSE during the cold rather than the Cabana and portable heaters! I love all of the friends I have seen so far and plan to see soon. I'm just excited and looking forward to the rest of January.

Day 1

Here it is. The start of 2015. It's a blank slate. Brush off 2014 and let's look ahead.

I probably should have cut back on the things I am doing, but I didn't. In fact, I may have added. :)

I just started reading The Daniel Plan, and I intend to follow the thoughts in there to lead me toward a healthier life.

I also signed up for a 2015 miles in 2015 (it's a team of 3 so we split that!) which equals walking/running about 2 miles a day. I can only walk right now but intend to build up to running.

Jeff and I ended our year with a chilly 5K yesterday - the New Years Double. We were supposed to do today too but that didn't work out. Side note - I love that he doesn't care about the 5ks or running or anything but he will do them with me to support me. He's pretty great sometimes.
Regardless, I forget how good I feel after I get out there and exercise and walk. I felt great yesterday and want more of that. I have my alarm set for 5:00 am (eek) for tomorrow. Fingers crossed it wakes me up!

I also signed up for a Diet Bet that requires me to lose 4% in a month to win. I feel like I am probably the most competitive person I know so these challenges are all perfect. I am so competitive, I have challenges with others without them even knowing. I'm pretty sure that boarders on pride but it helps me get it done when I need to.

The hardest part of this new year is to kick that darn Dr. Pepper habit again. (and find time for everything!) I love it. All of those people who say they quit and then tried it again and they didn't like it are crazy talkers! I love it every time. And each time I drink it, it draws me in. I am absolutely addicted to it. So I have to quit. Cold Turkey.

Which brings me to my random thought. I wish I liked coffee. I wonder how long it would take me to force myself to like it. I want to like it so very much! Maybe I will start with super sweet coffee and work my way down? Or maybe I will never like it (boo).

2015. Bring It!

I logged in and noticed that I have not written anything since I was 22 weeks pregnant. She is now 2 years old. My miracle baby. My red-headed spitfire. My monkey. As any mom knows, words can't express what she means to me. We tried so hard and waited so long for her. But I digress from what I was intending to jot down.

I look forward to 2015. It is a fresh start for me. It has been a trying year. Nothing too terrible, just growing pains I think.

2014 Highlights.
I signed up for the Susan G Komen 3 Day in February. I hit the ground running with fundraising and met my goal by summer. Then I helped the rest of the team meet their goal (I needed someone to walk with me!). I had a blast and grew closer to a couple girls who now hold a special place in my heart. They were there for me and I will get to that.

As an adult, I still struggle with feeling left out of cliques. So I decided to quit trying to join those cliques. I had my feelings hurt repeatedly (and to be honest, I still get them hurt) over the past year. This fall I quit caring as much and actually focused on the amazing friends and folks that I surround myself with. Jeff and I started having friends over for dinner and we got to know some awesome people better. I am still getting to know them and count myself very lucky to have crossed paths with them. I also know it is not luck, God put those people in my world. He knew I needed people with my values and gave me some!

We FINALLY moved out of the cabana into our own house on Mother's Day weekend!! We planned that terribly since nobody could help us but I could NOT wait any longer. We are still not done getting settled and have zero plants or bushes but I LOVE MY HOUSE. I love living here and knowing that I will die here. (well, maybe not inside the house but it's mine forever). We survived living in the tiny one room cabana!

Maggie Lynn turned 2. It's amazing watching her grow and learn more every day. Sometimes she shocks me with what she understands and can do.

We got pregnant. Not many people know that. It happened all on it's own which was a huge shock since we were told it could not happen. The timing was terrible - we found out the week before the 3 Day event. That meant I still did the event but I took it easy on myself. I only ended up walking 13ish miles a day. On Day 3, I started bleeding and spent that day in the hospital, missing the Closing Ceremony. By Tuesday of the following week, I had a miscarriage. It was a very tough week but I am also at peace and know that it will happen if it is meant to and definitely in God's timing. He definitely taught me that through all of this. I debated even mentioning it but if it helps someone else who is struggling, I want to put it out there. I think our entire infertility struggle needs to be out there to help others who are also struggling.

Jeff and I both turned 37. How in the world are we both that old? I swear I am still 25 until I do the math.

I look forward to 2015. There are things I want to do and aspects of my life I want to strengthen and grow. I am unbelievably lucky to have some folks willing to walk through all of that with me as well! I don't usually do resolutions but I did write some down for myself this year. I want to remember them as much as possible.

My 2015 Resolutions

Be Awesome
Do Good
Daily Devotional
Be More Present
Focus on Friendships
Run 3 5Ks
Read 3 non-fiction books (starting with Daniel Plan)
Finish Dissertation
Comment more, like less
Be kick butt life group co-coordinator

Well, I’ve made it to 22 weeks. That’s pretty exciting! At the beginning, I thought I would never get here. It’s hard to believe I still have 18 more weeks to go (hopefully). It’s been interesting so far. My 18 week sonogram didn’t show us the sex or the spine. It did show us that my cervix was jutted up right next to the placenta. That’s not something they want. We were told that it could still move, which is what we want. Today, it moved a little. Instead of mild placenta previa I now have a low lying placenta. It doesn’t sound as bad and I get to go back in a month to check it again. The good part about all this is that I keep getting sonograms since they are checking for all of that. Typically the last one is the 20 week. The sonographer was able to tell/show mom what the baby is. We are having our gender reveal party (thanks to my awesome sister in law & brother) tomorrow night so we will all find out what it is then. I cannot wait to find out if it will be a boy or a girl. We have the names picked out (and will reveal those tomorrow night as well) and will find out coconut’s real name. I also get to start shopping!! Since I’m off work this week, mom and I are going to register. Yay!! Here are some pics of the little one. Each time we go in, its hands are in its face/mouth. This time its legs were up by the head as well. (Just a secret – When I went in last time on Monday & on Thursday for sonos, the legs were in the same position. My thoughts were “is it paralyzed”?!? Yep – that’s how my crazy paranoid mind works!)

The little foot up by the head.

The side view

The face looking right at us as soon as we started. He/she was saying hi :) I think it's a little scary since it still looks like a skeleton :)

15 wks

Well, the news is out. Our first IUI worked! I had to give myself shots in the stomach for 5 days and a trigger shot on the last day. Then we had to go in for checkups every few days for an egg count/size. The procedure happened on a Saturday. Then we had to wait two whole weeks until I could find out if it worked or not. I actually tested the day before I went in for my blood work and it was positive! I took 2 more tests to make sure. Of course, the blood work was positive as well :) I am now in my 15th week. I still nervous and worried about everything. I am also still nauseas if I eat too much or if I eat the wrong things (too many sweet, fried, or fatty foods). The nice thing about that is I actually lost about 8 lbs the first trimester instead of gained any. I can also fall asleep just sitting here still. Once I get in bed though – that’s a whole other story. It takes me forever to fall asleep at night and I typically wake up around 5:00 am even though I don’t have to wake up until 7:45! Maybe that’s why I still need nap time! :) We have the nursery room cleared out and are now just waiting to see what color we will paint it. I get so excited planning for the future but then have to check myself. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself. It’s tough, though. We have been wanting this for almost 3 years! We tried for so long. It’s still hard to believe it has actually happened!! I’m excited about the 2nd trimester. Everyone tells me I will start feeling better and will have tons more energy! I do have a little more energy (I’m not going to bed at 7 anymore) but it’s not like I was hoping. I keep having the growth pains and a pain in my hip. I have random pains throughout my stomach that worry me for a while and then they go away :) (I had the growth pain at the beginning and with Google, convinced myself it was an ectopic pregnancy so I went in for a quick ultrasound). Having a checkup without ultrasounds once a month just isn’t enough! We should have ultrasounds each time. Jeff and I are working on picking out names. We have about 15 names for both. Now it’s time to narrow it down. I’d love to reveal that at the same time as when we reveal the gender. I can’t wait to find out! Only a few short weeks :) (Short, haha. These weeks DRAG by!)

No Tresspassing

I don't want to be a part of the club I'm in. I don't want to sit in the waiting room with other hopeful mommy-to-bes. I don't want to go to the clinic down the hall with Jeff and the other husbands. I don't want to sit through a two week wait to hear anything. I don't want to be disappointed over and over again.
I don't want my hormones to be out of control. I'm tired of everything.

Here goes nothing

So yeah. It's been a year since I've posted anything.
Mainly because I am overwhelmed with actual work and working on my school work. Also because I never know what to write or say.
It's been a rough year. Not as rough as some people have had it but rough for me.
We started back to school in August (as always) and the other counselor was there two days and then got sick. She never came back. I worked as the only counselor in a building of almost 1400 students. Can you say stress? I had all of these ideas I wanted to implement this year and ended up just trying to stay afloat. I'm not sure I did that great of a job, either. Which is frustrating because I hate doing a half-ass job. I know I could have done better had I not been the only counselor there.
Cut to October. Jeff moved out for a month. We have since been to counseling and he is back home and we are doing great. I guess it was the kick in the pants we needed to start working on our relationship instead of just letting it happen. We are both so stubborn! Darn the luck.

Here we are now. Married 3 1/2 years. Been trying for 3 years to have a baby and every month feeling more and more disappointed. So, we went to the fertility doctor back in November. He told us what we would do when we were ready (we weren't quite there yet).

Now it's February. We are ready. We are ready to try and pay to make this baby happen! So I had my first appointment on Tuesday. I now get to take pills (double what I ever took before) and give myself shots for 5 days. Then we go back and check my girly parts to see if it did anything. I'm not sure what happens after that - we've never done it before!

I'm trying to stay positive but not get my hopes up. There is nothing worse than thinking it will happen and then on day 28, it doesn't.

I will have to say, we picked the worst time to start trying. We started TELPAS this week and we have TAKS testing within the next two weeks. On top of that, we have career day coming AND my district wants to run some benchmarks before spring break. PLUS, I have comps for the next week. Comps where I lock myself in my room and do nothing but write on the 8 topics they will be delivering to my inbox tomorrow morning. Comps where I have to pass them in order to proceed to the next part of my education. Comps where if I fail, the past 2 years will have been for nothing.

I haven't had time to start. I haven't had time to prep. I have been at work until 7 or 8 some nights, then the hour to drive home. By the time I get home, I just want to go to bed. All of this testing and I feel like I am still going it alone at work. Mainly because my one and a half counselors have never done it before. I need to train them and explain it all to them but I barely have time to do it myself.

I feel whiny, dizzy, and a little sick to my stomach right now. Of course, I did just take a double dose of clomid and those are the side effects. With my hormones going out of whack, imagine how pleasant I will be this weekend. Good thing I told Jeff to find outside activities so I can focus!

All of this to say, this is what's new. I could use prayers! I need them. Jeff needs them. I hope to keep this updated as we move forward.

18 facts about me

18 random tidbits about me

1. Inside my purse, you’ll discover: I have a ton of junk in there. Pens,
makeup, wallet, iphone, tylenol, hand sanitizer, bandaids, allergy meds, tums, tylenol, gift cards, nail file & polish, sunglasses, several lipglosses and chapsticks, lotion, gum, businesscards, gum, flash drive

2. My secret talent is: I honestly can't think of a secret talent.

3. If stranded on an island, the five things I could not live without are:
chapstick, phone, dr.pepper, pillow and blanket

4. On my nightstand you’ll find: lamp, water bottles, book(s), phone charger,
(right now a portable dvd player), picture of me & Jeff, remotes, ad for Bed
Bath & Beyond

5. When I grew up, I wanted to be: a lawyer

6. My worst job: I liked all my jobs alot. I guess when I worked at the
brokerage firm, I was the least challenged and knew that was not my lifelong
career.

7. My comfort food: mac & cheese, ice cream and dr. pepper

8. Three songs on my IPOD’s most played list: Glee anything, Michael Buble, and
musicals

9. The three books that make me think of my childhood:-To Kill a Mockingbird,
Babysitters Club, and Sweet Valley High books

10.My favorite Chick Flick: Bridget Jones' Diary (watched it 3 times on Wednesday)

11.My favorite Chick Lit book: I like the shopaholic series, Nicholas Sparks (is
he chick lit? Somehow I doubt it), Jane Green, I love all chick lit!

12. My “must see” TV: Here goes - Glee, Hell's Kitchen, the Office, Psych, Good
Guys (yes, I'm the only one who likes it), So You Think You Can Dance, Big
Brother, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang, House, My Boys, House

13. My Starbucks order: Non-fat Venti Iced Chai Latte with easy ice and salted caramel hot chocolate

14. My favorite curse word: Damn

15 My celebrity man crush: John Cusack

16. My celebrity girl crush: None at the moment

17. My writer crush: Sparks

18. My last meal before execution: Steak & Sushi w/truffle mac & cheese and ice
cream

They're not working

The antibiotics are over.
I'm not sure if they are working or not. So far, no BFP. Every time my pyramid shows up, I'm sad.
I go to my dr this month and Jeff goes back early February. I'm excited to see his results and to know what we do next. Obviously doing this on our own is still not working, even though Jeff was hopeful it would.
He is so positive that things will work out and we will get pregnant naturally. I just can't feel the same. I can't even picture myself pregnant. Is that because we have been trying for so long or is it because I never will be and my body knows this? That's a sad thought. I'm hoping it because I am just scared to get my hopes up.
I know this, no fun Christmas announcement for us :(

One Word Game

USING ONLY ONE WORD

Where is your cell phone Right
Significant other? Shopping
Your hair? Annoying
Your mother? Awesome
Your father? Best
Your favorite thing? family
Your dream last night? Scary
Your favorite drink? Starbucks
What room are you in? Den
Your hobby? Sleep
Your fear? Throwing up
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Mom
Where were you last night? Hosting
Something that you aren't? Bored
Muffins? Sometimes
Wish list item? Baby
Last thing you did? Oranges
What are you wearing? Sweats
TV? Movie
Your pets? Funny
Friends? Spectacular
Your life? Busy
Your mood? Relaxed
Missing someone? Always
Drinking? Water
Your car? Altima
Something you're not wearing? Earmuffs
Your favorite store? Target
Your favorite color? Blue
When is the last time you cried? Month
Who will resend this? Nobody
Where do you go to over and over? Work
Five people who email me regularly? Mom, Jeff, Dodie, Dr. B, Professors
My favorite place to eat? Chipotle
Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? Bed
Four people I think will respond? Nobody

Day Ten: One confession

Day Ten: One confession

1. I still worry about what people think, even though I don't want to.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

1. Snuggling with Poopers
2. Christmas is coming!